Why we crave nurture and softness, as #healinghijasApr 10, 2023
Parental love and affection is life force energy. We need this life force energy to grow and thrive while in the womb and then we need it to survive when we are exposed to the outside world and all of its harshness. When we take the time to heal from our childhood wounds and the emotional disconnect we have with our Madres, we are actively doing the work to open the channel of the very life force energy we needed all along. The madre wound is a relational wound, as it impacts not just our relationship with Mama, but our relationship with ourselves and with life.
"Those of us who feel that we didn't receive enough from our parents, especially from our mothers, often feel that we don't receive enough from life." - Mark Wolynn, It Didn't Start with You
We shared a body with mom. We were fed, held, and given our first connection codes from her. The way she looked at you. The way she spoke to you. How she cared for you when you were sick or scared...these things mattered and were the blueprint of our sense of safety from womb to age 3. Just as those nurture points impact our nervous system in a positive way - the other side of the coin is equally as impactful. Physical and emotional disconnect, angry tone of voice, hurtful words/comments, disregard/apathy....also play a role in how your body's desire or disdain for nurture was formulated.
Many of us had to grow up strong. Tough. We developed a hard exterior and disconnected ourselves from 'needing someone's tenderness" because we learned early on that this desire wasn't safe. If you ever had the experience of Mama's rejection, emotional or physical abandonment/absence, judgment or broken trust (to name a few)...your little girl self learned that you were not safe. That internal voice inside may have said something like, "If my Mama isn't a safe place for me, no one else is. I am alone. This is deeply painful, and I will do whatever I have to do to build my own sense of safety so that I NEVER have to feel this pain again." This is when we start to build walls around our hearts, brick-by-brick. It's what you needed to do to survive.
But, inevitability, we grow up and start to notice that with this wall of bricks we've built, we have also locked out the goodness of life: love, compassion, acceptance, connection and vulnerability. This sturdy wall you've created out of your pain is your defense mechanism to avoid further pain, shame and harm -- but deep down in that precious and beautiful heart & soul of you, mija, is a little niña that just wants to be held, to be cherished, to feel safe and important. There's no shame in wanting and craving this nurturing, mother energy. It's your innate desire for life force energy that was cut off from you when you were younger; but the yearning for it is primal and coded into your DNA. Just like puppies, kittens and cubs need their mothers for food, shelter, protection and guidance -- so did you.
So, if you ever judge yourself for missing Mama, or yearning for mother energy, please know there is nothing wrong with you. You're not weak or broken, beautiful soul. Even if you've experience deep maternal abuse or abandonment, it can be jolting when you crave that maternal life force energy -- especially when you learned so early on that it wasn't safe to "need". Duality is acceptable, my beloved. You can know that deep down, Mama isn't a safe or soft place to land -- yet you STILL desire this connection and love from Mother Energy, regardless. I found this to be true for myself and so many of the hijas who commented on this viral TikTok post I shared: https://www.tiktok.com/@mgwarriorwoman/video/7109979315424546094
Feel free to cry it out. Rage it out. Hold yourself. Then, begin the process of softening yourself (and your heart) to receive this love, this nurture, this life force energy from the world around you. Start to remove that wall, brick-by-brick, and open yourself up to the beauty and freedom of a LIFE without this wound. It's pretty amazing on this side of the wall. I hope to show you how to climb over it and meet me on the other side.