Self-Love and Your Internal Narrative
Hey friends! Congratulations on starting the journey to self-love. As I've said a few times before already, it's the most amazing and important journey to freedom. Freedom from unnecessary suffering, self-abuse and self-criticism. Let's face it, we are all imperfect human beings but that doesn't mean we aren't WORTHY of happiness, love, grace, patience, compassion and peace. Let's get to work!
My journey began with changing how I spoke to myself and about myself. I knew I had to change this because it haunted me daily, not allowing me to enjoy life. I would receive so much positive feedback from people around me in my personal and professional life, but it was hard to accept all those comments wholeheartedly because I just didn't believe them myself. When the applause died down, I would be alone with myself -- and my usual narrative would start to play like a broken record:
"You aren't as smart as people think, you know. You could be nicer, stronger, prettier, thinner and less YOU all the time. You need to work on yourself because otherwise people will see right through you. You're a fraud. You better work harder, be busier, be more perfect so that people actually believe all the things they say about you. You're not enough yet. Do better."
The same critical voice would come through when I looked in the mirror ("You need to lose weight. That doesn't look right on you."), when I started a new class or work endeavor ("You are going to fail at this, you know that right? Why do you even bother?), when I got into conflicts with family and friends (You're so darn difficult! Why can't you just be more like [insert name here] and let things roll off your back?), even in my home life with my husband and kids ("They would be so much better off with a wife/mom who was much more patient and easy going than you are. You just stress people out. You're not patient enough to be a good wife and mom."). That mean and hateful voice was just always there, picking at my every flaw, my every thought, not allowing me to enjoy any part of my successes and triumphs for more than a moment. And don't even get me started on what she said on my BAD DAYS, it would devastate you. This is why I decided -- no more! Time to drown this voice out and replace her with someone much more pleasant, cheerful and sweet. A new version of....me.
As author Don Miguel Ruiz said in his book, The Four Agreements, "Be impeccable with your word...it is very powerful.", "Use white magic, beginning with yourself. Tell yourself how wonderful you are, how great you are. Tell yourself how much you love yourself. Use the word to break all those teeny, tiny agreements that make you suffer." What he means about the agreements, is those we used to accept about ourselves. Instead of agreeing that you aren't enough, it's time to BREAK that agreement and start a new contract. A contract with much better verbiage that will uplift you to a place of internal joy. When you're happy within yourself, then everything else around you will receive that energy and come into agreement with you as well. Shoot, it may have already agreed with you by divine intervention but you're too busy putting yourself down to notice. Don't feel bad, I did it too. For years.
Welp! There's your first challenge on your journey to self-love. This week, set aside anything (or anyone) that numbs your ability to stay present and/or adds toxicity to the process of healing. I did a 21-day detox to cleanse my body of toxins and change my dependency on alcohol, along with affirmations to change my internal dialogue. You can choose to detox or not, but the point is to be able to SIT with yourself long enough to really hear what your thoughts are, and start changing them to a positive. If your internal narrative says you are not worthy of love...your new agreement with yourself should shout, "I AM WORTHY OF LOVE, BECAUSE I AM LOVE EMBODIED." If your internal narrative says you aren't strong enough...your new agreement with yourself should shout, "I AM STRENGTH! I CAN DO THIS. I CAN AND I WILL!" Only you know what your internal dialogue sounds like, and only you can change it for yourself. Once you start to believe how amazing you already are -- everything around you will agree and you will start to suffer less.
Looking forward to hearing your responses. Please comment, share and tell me about how this week went for you. Did you find it helpful? Did you start to see the world differently? Did you stumble upon some un-noticed blessings that were there all along? Tell me, I would love to hear about it. Be good to yourself.
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